Neurodiversity aRtistic/autistic/synesthesia

i love this talk on high functioning autism by a musician who plays full time in an orchestra for a living

Neurodiversity – the key that unlocked my world | Elisabeth Wiklander | TEDxGöteborg

...and now again pondering if that is my issue and why i feel so misunderstood and frustrated and like i have so much potential and yet i cannot seem to break free from my problems and am not even sure what i want in life. so grateful i can be an art model for a living while i try and figure out what i want to do beyond that in my own way. my mind is definitely different in some ways- i cannot stand drinking or smoking, never enjoyed parties or drugs or most social situations and yet i love music and nature and plants and animals- and i do repetitive rituals and feel more at ease when my life is routine in a certain way. my senses are heightened. smell/taste/touch/sound- i sense a lot and get easily overwhelmed. i feel a lack of connection with others and was told as a kid i was "shy". i felt left out/excluded/misunderstood and like i needed someone to help back me up more.... i never wanted to "fit in" as much as i craved being accepted as my own unique self and what i enjoy in others is their unique traits not their "fitting in" traits. i crave communication and yet when i do communicate with others a lot of the time it feels not satisfying at all. i am sad the therapy clinic i go to knows nothing about autism so they are not qualified to diagnose me and not even sure that would help me anyway? this might be something i need to work out on my own with the help of videos online and experts on neurodiversity. my goal is to know the real Shannon and make the best of the brain and body i was born with. i hope someday to be happy and feel like i belong somewhere....my whole life i have felt awkward and "left out" on some level. hard to explain. i connect the dots differently and love the concept of non duality beyond the "us" verses "them"- and appreciate the work of joespeh campbell- in finding the unity in the diversity of different cultures= which he was criticized and misunderstood on.... and hundertwasser= a painter/nudist/naturist/philospher who believed there are no straight lines in nature.... and all kinds of diverse minds. eckhart tolle and the "presence" he describes comforts me. i don't want to fall through the cracks. i want to make the best of my authentic self and want others who are "different" to feel they can appreciate themselves and find a place in society and not have to fight bullies etc. create a space for us all to be included. i need to figure out how to love myself and protect myself from harm etc. not sure im being clear here but trying to express clearly my points. i see music as shapes and moving textures. synesthesia is part of my brains way of sensing the world around me. when i hear music from certain cultures i can smell the food associated with that culture and i get hungry. now i need to figure out what abstract art prints to hang at the gallery/gift shop i was invited to show my work at....
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